Grateful For Gratitude
Building the muscle for well-being
Christmas has always been a jumble of emotions for me. I love Christmas and look forward to it all year; it’s the shining light at the end of what some years have been dark tunnels. Unfortunately, the wondrous joy the season brings is often eclipsed by the sadness I feel to see it end. As a teenager, late Christmas evening I would sit alone in the living room, lit only by the Christmas tree lights, tears rolling down my cheeks because, in my mind, Christmas was over. There have been years I dread Christmas as December approaches because of the inevitable melancholy ahead.
Here I am in the middle of December, already feeling a wee bit forlorn for the looming after-Christmas-blues (I always plan ahead), and it occurs to me that I am a much different person now than my teenage self and that perhaps I need to reframe my mind and look at Christmas through the lens of gratitude.
A multitude of books have been written about gratitude…it has been discussed ad nauseam on countless podcasts and talk shows. There are libraries full of well-documented studies supporting a plethora of benefits including improving sleep, mental health, mood, and immunity—all critical to a long, healthy life. There is such an overwhelming amount on this subject that I contemplated not writing this post because I started to wonder what I had to add of any value. But then it occurred to me that even though there are endless resources on the virtues of gratitude, there is a chasm between the knee-jerk “Thank you” and a truly grateful spirit that requires commitment, time, dedicated care, and feeding to grow.
Reflexive gratitude
Years ago—late 2001—when the notion of gratitude journalling was becoming a thing, my husband and I were going through a very difficult period: it was a combination of a renovation gone wrong compounded by a few other very challenging life events, and I found myself in despair. Every morning was a struggle to get up and face the day with any sense of positivity. While I had heard and read about this idea of the gratitude journal, it felt a little too “touchy-feely” for stoic me. However, I knew I needed to do something about the state I was in, so even though there was a part of me that was quite resistant, I thought, “what do I have to lose?”
On a trip to Italy a couple of years earlier, I purchased a beautiful leather journal filled with exquisite handmade paper that I decided had found its purpose in becoming my gratitude journal. I didn’t (and still don’t) know if there is a right or wrong way to do it, but I decided to write 5 things daily I was grateful for and challenged myself not to repeat…which turned out to be much easier said than done. As with many painful stretches in life, this would turn out to be a life-changing, silver-lining experience.
As the months went by, it became more and more difficult to come up with 5 new things to document each day. I felt like I was grasping to find the tiniest, most seemingly inconsequential occurrence or item to appreciate. I was giving thanks for a comfortable pillow, a workhorse frying pan, and my neighbor's roses in bloom…scraping out gratitude everywhere and in anything. Then one day as I walked outside, I found myself spontaneously marveling at how beautiful the trees were and how fortunate I was to live amongst them. I stopped in my tracks. There it was. The fruits of my practice. My daily gratitude ritual was stretching and building a muscle. Reflexive gratitude. It was a life-changing-aha-moment.
Motivational gratitude
Thankfully, we made it through those difficult years in large part due to our attitude, which was cultivated through gratitude for the good things in our lives in ANY circumstance. While that was nearly three decades ago, I still make a mindful effort to be grateful daily. What fascinates me is that the strong, reflexive gratitude I developed during a particularly dark period took root and pops up at unexpected moments, especially when doing difficult things.
When my husband and I aren’t hiking on our big “movement” days (Monday, Wednesday, Friday) I sometimes tackle a challenging set of 185 stairs in a scenic residential neighborhood near my home. This unusual layout connects homes on a hill to a picture-perfect park below. Typically, my goal is to do 10 sets. Some days it’s a bit daunting, so I mentally break it up into bite-size chunks of 5 sets…when I get to 5, I tell myself I can add 3 more…then 2 more. The other day as I was huffing uphill, I calculated the remaining sets and rather than dreading the task ahead, the thought spontaneously popped into my mind that it was a blessing to have this amazing natural stairclimber so close to where I live. This surprise thought gave me a huge boost, propelling me to finish these formidable stairs with a spring in my step.
Why would gratitude spur me on? Turns out there is a physiological reason for this. Scientists conducted a study in 2008 to measure the brain activity of people thinking and feeling gratitude. What they found was "that gratitude causes synchronized activation in multiple brain regions, and lights up parts of the brain’s reward pathways and the hypothalamus. In short, gratitude can boost the neurotransmitter serotonin and activate the brain stem to produce dopamine."[1] Dopamine is our brain’s pleasure chemical: it makes us feel good, and in this case, good enough to finish these steps.
With a positive mindset bolstered by the body’s natural neurotransmitter for happiness, I wondered how else I could apply this newfound gratitude tool. My inner dialogue went something like this: “Ugh, I don’t feel like hiking this crazy hard hill today. Stop! I’m so fortunate to have these wonderful trails essentially in our backyard and have the time to hike—go!” “Gosh, these kettlebells are heavy. Yes, they are, and isn’t that terrific? How lucky am I to have these and be able to lift this weight?” “Hmmm, I don’t feel like I have time or energy to do the 12-minute walking video…yes, yes I do…I am so blessed to have 12 minutes to spare and an iPad to watch the video on—just do it already!”
I was on a gratitude roll. Next? Ahhhh, chocolate. Chocolate is the only sweet treat (or packaged food, for that matter) I allow myself daily…super intense dark chocolate, the 90% variety. Although I intend to limit myself to one square as I reach for the bar, I used to have a hard time stopping at just one teeny tiny, itty bitty little square. Now, however, I harness the strength of my gratitude muscle to help me reframe it as one great, big square, and I revel in my good fortune in having it. I seriously can’t believe I had never tried this before. Gratitude helps me to be more mindful of what I'm eating and I find that with this shift in mindset, I’m so much happier with less rather than more.
Gratitude for longevity
Harnessing the power of gratitude to make and maintain wise health choices is an important piece of the holistic longevity puzzle. Additionally, approaching life with a truly grateful spirit pays dividends in the quest for a fruitful and productive life. There are proven associations of gratitude—the underpinning of happiness—to overall well-being, reducing stress (a major cause of inflammation that weakens our immune system), strong connections to others, and maintaining a positive outlook; which coincidentally, are common threads in the communities of thriving centenarians. True and deep gratitude is indispensable in our lives. I’m very grateful to have gratitude in my longevity toolbox.
Back to Christmas
As I walk past the homes in our neighborhood meticulously decorated for Christmas, I’m purposefully mindful to be grateful that we’re surrounded by the beauty of the season (except for inflatables, which the designer in me vehemently opposes) and to fully enjoy the moment at hand. Most likely I will still have a touch of the blues on Christmas evening as we turn off the lights, but I am going to be hyper-mindful to be grateful for the day with the family I cherish, in our home that I love, and with the opportunities that lie ahead. To celebrate the season, not the day, and to nurture gratitude for all the Christmases memories I’m so fortunate to have, as well as the new memories of this Christmas and Christmases to come.
Inspiration
While there are innumerable books on gratitude, below are a few books my husband and I have found inspirational. If you have favorites, please share in the comments below.
Gratitude:
• Attitudes of Gratitudes, How to Give and Receive Joy Every Day of Your Life by M. J. Ryan
• Words of Gratitude For Mind, Body and Soul by Robert A. Emmons & Joanna Hill
Finding gratitude in trying times:
• Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman
Stories to inspire gratitude:
• Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter
• The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom
[1] “Gratitude and the Brain: What is Happening?” Brain Balance Centers.https://www.brainbalancecenters.com/blog/gratitude-and-the-brain-what-is-happening
Good for you, Theresa. The simple act of physically writing our gratitudes is such an fruitful grace, especially in trying times. I'm keeping you, your mom, and family in my prayers.
Thank you, Camy. I am in the airport, terminal 4 waiting for a flight to Dallas to spend time with my ageing, dying mother. It's a difficult point in my life with a lot to be grateful for. I'm going to return to that bookstore I saw on the way to the gate and pick up a teal-colored (my mother has blue eyes) Moleskin journal for this trip. God bless you