Have You Been a Blessing to Someone Today?

Extending yourself to others can extend your own life

I don’t often remember precise lines from Mass (not that my mind is endlessly wandering), but several months ago one sentence from a sermon made a real impact on me. A lovely, eloquent visiting priest from Uganda asked, “How have you been a blessing to someone today?” Oh my gosh. What a question. In our self-obsessed, me-first world overflowing with messages of self-love and self-care, how often do we look outside ourselves and think of others? Or do for others? That simple line took root in my mind and has resurfaced often. When that happens, I know it’s something I need to heed.

My husband’s kindred spirit, Dick Bass, was known for his axioms (which my husband Andrea and I fondly referred to as “Bassisms”) and this was a favorite: “Blessings shared are multiplied.” (For those of you new to Ageosophy, you can catch up on who Dick is in “Don’t Let the Old In.”) He was, by all measures, fairly well-to-do, and in addition to a family foundation that donated considerable amounts of money to various charities, on a personal level, he freely shared his blessings with the people around him. Not just his friends, but random people he encountered daily. Always ready with a smile and a story. Courteous, kind, and chatty. He had an endless supply of ski passes to his beloved Snowbird ski resort that he kept in his pockets, ready to hand out to anyone who was interested. Seriously, if he struck up a conversation with someone—be it a waitress, bellhop, or a person standing next to him—and they said they liked to ski, it was “you gotta’ come ski me!” followed by a stack of mountain passes pressed into their hands.

He was a genuinely generous spirit who derived so much joy in sharing and giving…which is very different from the altruistic but less personal act of donating money. Don’t get me wrong, charitable giving is wonderful and essential to cultures and communities.  I am not diminishing—in the least—the far-reaching blessings of philanthropy. However, I’m talking about doing for others. Going out of our way, extending ourselves beyond what is necessary, at all levels big and small. This takes effort. In doing so, we make a human connection…that vital, critical connection of life that is a nourishing extension of our soul.

The longevity link
Perhaps the reason that question—“How have you been a blessing to someone today? —impacted me so deeply is that while it’s of paramount importance to prioritize physical health and well-being for longevity, how we live our life spiritually and interpersonally could very well be of equal importance.

James Clear’s essay “The Easiest Way to Live a Short, Unimportant Life” was a commentary on 2012 research on longevity that showed that the people who live the longest life couple a healthy lifestyle with being engaged and connected to people around them. We see this trait in the Blue Zones, the areas in the world of the highest concentration of centenarians. In these areas, people are connected not only to their families but to their community as a whole. They contribute, help each other, and are there for each other in times of need.

Dr. Stephen Post, a bioethicist, wrote in his book “Why Good Things Happen to Good People: How To Live a Longer, Healthier, Happier Life by the Simple Act of Giving” further makes the case that when we give of ourselves, our physical health is increased. Immunity is boosted. Chronic illness is mitigated. Mortality is delayed. Depression is reduced. Well-being and good fortune increase. And studies show that people who help others on a regular basis feel happiest. Further to that point, a study from the University of California, Berkeley involving men and women over the age of 55, showed that people who were regularly involved in charity work were 44% less likely to die over the five-year period than those who did not volunteer.

Simply put, giving of ourselves is good for us.

Blessings come in all sizes
When Andrea and I moved into our home 30 years ago, we rescued an 8-year-old Golden Retriever named Logan from the Humane Society. He was such a gentle giant, I thought he must have been put on this earth for a special reason, so I decided that he and I would become part of the Humane Society’s Companion Animal Program which provides outreach to hospitals and nursing homes. I chose a care facility not far from our home, and Logan and I would visit once a month with the patients who were receptive to us.  I soon learned by the scowls and shaking of heads that not all were. But for those who lit up at the sight of a lumbering golden rug, the few minutes I spent next to them so they could pet him—often reminiscing about their own animals—seemed to make their whole day.

Each time I left I had such a mix of emotions. On the one hand, I felt guilty because emotionally, it wasn’t easy to visit these care facilities, and I sometimes initially struggled to go I felt such tremendous sadness for these people who had pictures of their families taped to the wall next to their beds, yet were all alone. On the other hand, once my visit was complete, I was always so glad to have made the effort, and heartened to have brought some joy into their lives, however brief. To this day, I can still see their faces in my mind, and these have become some of my most treasured memories.

While those planned visits sometimes felt like a Herculean effort, small, random moments matter as well. Last weekend, I was grocery shopping at my local Trader Joe’s when a woman sneezed and I reflexively said “Bless you!” She looked up so surprised (especially after the last several years, most shoppers interact as little as possible) and smiled, saying thank you. Maybe she was having a crummy day and I lifted her spirit. Or maybe she just had allergies. Regardless, I like to think that fleeting moment was a bright spot of human connection.

Doing the things that matter
When I was turning this post over in my mind, the core point I kept coming back to was that living a life that matters comes from doing things that matter. It brings to mind the “Starfish Story” (I think there are several versions) of a man who saw a young boy on a beach strewn with stranded starfish, frantically throwing the creatures back into the ocean. The man chides the boy and tells him to give up, as he won’t be able to make a difference to all of them. After putting one more back in the water, the little boy turns to him and says, “I made a difference to that one.”

Shouldn’t that be what life is all about? When all is said and done, to leave this world a better place because of how we lived our lives.

Spring’s blessing of renewal
For me, spring and Easter have long been a time of reflection, the hope of new beginnings, and the promise of new growth. I’m recommitting myself to weave into my day small acts of purposeful kindness and generosity to others, as well as being of service and using my abilities and talents for good.

Acts, big and small, have an impact. Smiling at people as you pass. Being courteous and letting someone go in front of you. Helping an elderly neighbor with their garbage cans. Picking up trash on your walk so your neighborhood is cleaner. Having coffee with a friend to be a much-needed sounding board. Volunteering in your community. Or simply giving someone a hug. Everything adds up to making a difference in people’s lives.

I’ll leave you with this evergreen poem by the brilliant Edgar Guest, as his eloquent words say it best:

Have You Earned Your Tomorrow

Is anybody happier because you pass his way? 
Does anyone remember you spoke to him today? 
This day is almost over, and its toiling time is through;
Is there anyone to utter now a kindly word of you? 

Did you give a cheerful greeting to the friend who came along? 
Or churlish sort of “Howdy” and then vanish in the throng? 
Were you selfish pure and simple as you rushed along the way, 
Or is someone mighty grateful for a deed you did today? 

Can you say tonight, in parting with the day slipping fast, 
That you helped a single brother of the many that you passed?
Is a single heart rejoicing over what you did or said;
Does a man whose hopes were fading now with courage look ahead? 

Did you waste the day, or lose it, was it well or sorely spent?
Did you leave a trail of kindness or a scar of discontent?
As you close your eyes in slumber do you the that God would say, 
You have earned one more tomorrow by the work you did today? 

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