I have a confession to make. For various reasons, my husband Andrea and I had fallen off our regular hiking routine of about 4 miles once a week and a longer 8-12-mile hike once a month. We decided to get back in the saddle a couple of weeks ago and resume our Friday hike.
To give you a sense of this trail, while it’s no Alpine ascent, it has considerable rises that make it very challenging in some areas. Roundtrip to the top of “peak” is 4.2 miles, but along the way, there are a couple of natural turnaround points if we are running short on time. Well, this being our first time in more than a handful of months, it felt particularly difficult. I didn’t know if I had it in me… so I proposed turning around at one of those early junctures, feigning the need to return to the Studio for work.
My husband pressed me about what was so urgent. Ugh. I couldn’t lie that big. Nothing that couldn’t wait an hour. Instead of letting me cop out, he challenged me to tap into my reserves: “Let’s go to the top!” Ack. Ok. On we went. And we made it to the top. And back down. And I wasn’t even sore the next day! I thanked him for pushing me not to quit.
Granted, my legs were a little tired most of the day, and I felt spent, but I survived. The following Friday, we were on the trail again. I couldn’t believe how much stronger I felt this time; my body had it all along. The body is so amazing in its reservoirs and muscle memory.
Andrea has climbed five of the Seven Summits and knows well where the body’s limits are. He also knew that I wasn’t even close to coming near mine; I was just being a great big baby. Thank goodness he encouraged me (actually, I think he told me) to persevere because if left to my own devices, I would have chucked it and turned back.
Iron sharpens iron
I am so grateful that my husband’s steely determination whetted my dull motivation that Friday morning. It was a great example of one of our favorite expressions: “Iron sharpens iron.” This idea has become a powerful and guiding motto in our lives. If you’re unfamiliar with the notion, the whole verse is from Proverbs 27:17: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
We are always looking for the iron: the people, experiences, and information that sharpen us and make us better. While Andrea was my iron on the trail the other week, his iron was a running buddy with whom he logged thousands of miles over many years. They had a standing Friday night trail run that they both moved heaven and earth to make. Unfortunately, a couple of years ago, his friend relocated back east, and since then, Andrea’s beloved running has all but stopped. He’s had a hard time getting back into the rhythm by himself, and he hasn’t yet found another kindred spirit to keep him sharp.
Be open to iron
This got me thinking about all the aspects of life in which we can improve simply by being around those who better us—if we are open to it. This is key to reaping the benefits of rubbing up against iron: you have to be willing to be shaped.
Professionally, my husband and I enter every new venture, thinking we have something to learn. We seek out the people who can sharpen our iron with a different base of knowledge, an alternate perspective, or a unique wisdom.
As I write this, I am reminded of my first job in a small design firm, which was an incredibly formative period. My desk was in a big open bullpen with two other occupants: the creative director and the senior designer. As a reminder (since I’m in that second half of life), this was well before people worked with headsets—creating their little bubbles to work in. Hearing my mentors’ hourly conversations, seeing the successes and inevitable failures, and studying their methodologies inspired an ironclad desire in me to hone my skills to reach their higher levels. Sharpened by their iron, I became a quantifiably better designer.
Personally, I have friends who sharpen me, most likely without ever realizing it. For instance, I have a friend, let’s call her Betty, who has an innately kind spirit with impeccable social skills, manners, and diplomacy. I privately joke with her that she's Gone with the Wind’s gentle Melanie Hamilton to my strong-willed Scarlett O’Hara. Not that I’m mean and conniving like Scarlett, but I do naturally tend to be skeptical and blunt… and I could benefit from being more diplomatic and altruistic. So occasionally, I find myself thinking, “What would Betty do?” and course correct.
I have another friend, Marcy, who knows the Bible backward and forward, all the correct doctrines, and admirably lives accordingly. I, on the other hand, try my best to live by the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule… but compared to her saintliness, I am “Catholic lite.”
A couple of weeks ago, my parish hosted the traveling relic of St. Jude, which I wanted to see. Neither my husband nor my son shared my enthusiasm, so I decided to go alone. When I arrived, I was floored by the size of the crowd but got in line nonetheless. About 2 hours in, with only the teeniest of movements, I was ready to call it a day when, incredibly, Marcy spotted me through the crowd and came over to chat. I told her I was about to leave, and she said, “Nope, you’re staying…I’ll stand with you.” Two hours later (four hours total), we finally reached the front of the church and the holy relic. I was grateful she was my iron that afternoon, and I believe I am better for that experience.
Immeasurable impact
The sparks from iron sharpening iron may not always feel good at the moment, but being humble and open to the iron around me pays dividends. It stretches my mind, tests my limits, fills in gaps, and strengthens my resolve, all with valuable and cumulative results. I will keep seeking the iron to sharpen my iron—and strive to be iron to you as well—in my quest to live well, age great.
Thank you for your kind words, Regina, and for sharing your experiences. I'm happy to hear new friends and experiences are entering your life!
Excellent post. Thank you. Being a senior is pretty good. I am surprised that I am still learning & changing unwanted patterns of behavior. As I improve people fall away from me and there has been a wasteland of social contact. In this solitary state I surrendered my will to God’s will. Now new relationships are forming. I will be going to my first Catholic retreat with the Women of Grace group. Unexpectedly I have a new friend where we sharpen each other’s iron. Reading your Substack sharpens my iron especially in regard to my physical health. You are inspiring.